Going

Alice Hoiyin Lo <hlo@lohoiyin.com>

Jan 8

to Samuel

I didn't want to say it at the time

But I didn't want you to leave and not come back

I agreed and understood that you needed to go

All I asked was that you would come back to see me

The night before I was still saying missing you when you go

That's why I asked for your promise to come back to see me the next morning

You questioned me; I thought you didn't want to come back and said a lot of hurtful things

I was wrong because I expressed my hurt in hateful anger

Later when you were yelling things like tickets were expensive and called me names

I heard it as you might never come back to see me.

I was hurt and scared not knowing whether you would come back. I was horrified by that helplessness from past experience.

I was wrong, but that was the reason behind.

Security is important to a depressed person. A person who has lost a lot and about to lose more.

Lack of security was the reason behind my asks. Like tonight. I didn't mean to upset you. I thought we can close the gap a little from both ends.

You probably heard it as I asked you to change. I can understand.

I swear I was thinking about closing the gap.

Sometimes, what you say I hear differently. Sometimes what you say I hear differently. And we get angry.

This is to express myself more clearly.

Alice Hoiyin Lo <hlo@lohoiyin.com>

Jan 8

to Samuel

A little more about insecurity: in the past few months, we kept fighting about whether to do the 2 city model. Finally I said I'd work with you if you were willing. You wanted to think about it. I appreciate the patience you took to think it over. After four months, the most clear decision I heard (or I thought I heard) was you were going back. Weather we'd do the 2 city was not decided. I started worrying, thus asking the following.

I am not trying to just say one thing and ignore the other mean deeds I did. This insecurity was something that was not expressed fully so.

Alice Hoiyin Lo <hlo@lohoiyin.com>

Jan 8

to Samuel

Having said the following, I undersand you are in a difficult position and is having a hard time. I am sorry I showed my insecurity in anger. That was wrong.

Alice Hoiyin Lo <hlo@lohoiyin.com>

Jan 8

to Samuel

When you said "why should I make money for you", I felt really hurt. I never once meant for you to support me. I don't mind supporting my share for what we need too. It was not the case at all.